BUT First other equally quality-driven impressive news!
A rather serious note related to barbers all around the world. Back in the day you used to go to a barber and command him to cut your hair. These days they want to talk to you, know your information – what the weather is like from whence you hail. Why, how will this improve my haircut? Do your job barber and do it well, I ask for trimming and not a chat! By Antoni Gaudí‘s beard, if you feel the need to converse at least offer me a cup of civilized coffee to go with it (free of charge) Secondly, did I ask for you to throw half the cut hairs back into my shirt? Is it not clear I want to rid myself of these locks imprisoning my head? Keep them on the floor – right beside your face as you’re kissing my shoes.
Finally a note on ice – it is found to be quite slippery when mixed with unfrozen water, and it’s surprisingly cold. I’ve witnessed people die today, a group of children tried eating icecream and mass choked.
– – E X P L O R I N G S C I E N T I S T S D I S C O V E R N E W L A N D S – –
"We've never looked THERE before!" - scientists
SCIENTISTS announced today that they have in fact discovered a new land between Portugal and Italy. They call the new country “The United Land-Mass Of Barcelona And Beyond!” – Barcelona in short.
Of course, by now you’ll say things as followed – “That can’t be right!” – “I don’t believe a dime of what you say!” – “What’s for dinner tonight”. Worry not, the New(s) will make sure that all of your insecurities are taken care of. It has been confirmed by a Polish Researcher (Prof. Lukluk) that a new country can be added to our already drawn maps. We set our ACE-REPORTER on the job to investigate. His comments follow:
– “No aces to be found here” ~ Ace-Reporter
The most outrageous facts accompanied by a handful of rumours have been circling around the media for a while by the time this paper is delivered to you – most of which started right here. “Barcelona” a fine name for a fine country. Reports state that the climate over in the Barcelona Region is quite tropical, in fact the sun always shines there (disclaimer: not at night). Other commonly known facts are that they speak a bastardized version of the Latin language, known to it’s inhabitants as “Spainish“. For example, if you were to order your civilized cup of coffee in Barcelonandia, you’d have to ask for a CAFÉ. Whether this “café” nonsense tastes the same as actual Man-Coffee is still in doubt.
Gaudí is prepared for the Barcelonian sun.
The Scientists have instated a new MAYOR of BARCELONA. His name is the well known local nut, ANTONI GAUDÍ! We’ve asked Gaudí, amongst other local celebrities to state their opinion surrounding the discovery of a new haven.
Antoni Gaudí: “By MY beard!”
Antonio Banderas: “By HIS beard!”
Unknown Barber: “Fill in this form, you cannot have coffee”
Ringo Starr: “Does this mean I return into modern media?”
So far the current reports on Barcelona.
As any self-respecting journalist and new(s)paper editor/supervisor/bigboss would do, besides making himself another sugar-enriched cup of coffee, is go onto a personal exploration regarding the latest news. As you understand by now, I’ve finished the god-made beverage – and there’s nothing left stopping me to visit BARCELONA. The latest research I’ve done regards transportation devices from here [location] to Barcelona. A senile old man called Nicholas offered me his Steam-Boat, I respectfully declined and showed him the shoulder. Lately we hear more and more about a new method of transport, one that lifts you off your seat into the skies and beyond! Aero-Craft-Ships, here’s hoping this Aero man knows what to do with sophisticated craft-ships.
All there is left to teach you – the loyal reader – is how to be fashionable. Fashionably late, make people wait for you instead of having lesser people make YOU wait for THEM. For example, I could go onto an airboat and sail the skies to Barcelona tomorrow – I’m more than welcome to! Yet, this is not the way of a GENTLEMANNE – no sir! Us Manne of gentle leisure will show those Barcelonians what we’re in for! Thursday early seems like right the time for me to report overlands. By then I’ll keep you updated on the flavour of the characteristic Barcelonian “Café”
A few last words of advice — don’t set fire to your oven unless you plan to cook in it.
J. Wonder Portrayer B.
