News-reporte #4 [004/004] – Day of the Mon, eleven hundred hours and a few minutes.
Accurate Diagram of Crime
–S H O C K I N G —
With a start like that you know this report will have something in petto. Earlier I witnessed – with my own two eyes – how a mad man ran into an inconvenience store, killed two people and ran off with a bag’o’treasure. As I was there at the scene (but note: not the criminal at stake), I managed to get a clear view of the bandit in a mirror (note: an angled mirror, not me!! Stop your judging I had nothing to do with it. ) Here is a rather quick yet sophisticated sketch of the man in question. [[Photographic Evidence A – Right]]
The real scare was how the thug looked me right back into my blue eyes as I glared at him in the mirror. WHAT A RASCAL! As I ducked (not out of fear, I am braver than a flock of sheep – but to protect the peace around the floor area) he ducked with me! Thankfully we were both out of sight – Or I’d have glared him to a painful death. A few moments later this mastermind whipped out a gun bigger than his greed, aimed and shot two people straight in the knee caps. He watched as one of them bled out to death.
“Oooh nooo” and “I just wet myself AND my neighbour!!” weren’t uncommon screams to be heard in the store.
“Quit y’r screamin’, what are’ye? A newsreporter or a thief?!” the guy next to me said, so I shot him as well.
– I meant, clarification – this highly dangerous criminal shot him as well. The angst got to me and controlled my thoughts into believing I was armed and dangerous, when I held nothing more than a pen and some notes and a gun! I mean no gun, there was no gun in my hands as I threw it away. I NEVER EVEN HAD A GUN TO BEGIN WITH until I bought it. ENOUGH OF THIS, I AM A REPORTER NOT A THUG WHO’D ROB A STORE. YES I AM. NO. YES.
Look at all the demands!
On the floor I found a note left by this criminal, let’s refer to it as Evidence B. Was it a ransom note? Was he trying to tell me something? Let’s take a closer look at Evidence B. [[photographic evidence B to your left]]
– Broodjes
– Brood ½
– Koffie
– Thee
– Hamburgers
– Aardappeltjes
– Koekjes
– Sla / Slasaus
– ??????????
– Secret X
Yeah, this guy was nuts. Made no sense whatsoever besides one – greed. Look at all those violent demands. This man must be found and locked away for life!! The stolen goods returned to the store and the dead revived into living. Here’s a description (accompanying my diagram above [[right]]) of the bandit.
I’m a 21 year old Dutch guy, you may recognize me by the black bar covering my eyes and the stripey shirt I always wear. It’s my favourite. Usually I’ll wear a hat, and if not you’ll just notice my large mustache better! I lost my gun that morning at the store, so I won’t be carrying that around.
By now you must think, how much rubbish can one story take? Not quite ever enough I say! On my way home from the crime scene I found the man’s bag of loot. In it I found a few arms full of consumable products, coffee, tea, cookies, bread, two dinners and some salad dressing. Another thing I found in there.. well, let’s just call it.. SECRET X for now. More on SECRET X in a coming review. In the meantime let’s try and find the bad guy, who isn’t me I swear, but some lunatic who knows notte how to work in this community.
Good thing you read the news here, that means YOU have an ALIBI! Keep the violence at a low.
J. Warn(the) Police! B.
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